Teacher Mike

Teachuh Mike (My-Kuh, as its pronounced). Thats what my students call me. All 300+ of ‘em. The whole teaching thing made me nervous at first. Kids are the toughest critics and are famous for their brutal honesty. With that in mind, the first time i stepped in front of that dry-erase board with an audience of about ten 9 year olds, needless to say, i was sweatin it. i felt like i was the white act on show time at the apollo, just waitin for one of those kids to hop out of their seats with a broom and chase me outta the room.
i got through the first class and the hard part was over. things are starting to get easier and its running a little smoother each week. the first week i taught i was only working at the cram school, Kojen (the job i originally had coming over here). at Kojen class runs from 5-7 p.m. every night. im usually there for a couple hours more each day though to prepare and grade. i dont get paid for the time im there and not teaching so i try and minimize that time as much as possible and do what i can at home. after the first week i got a job offer from one of the principals at erins school, Sacred Heart (she works at the high school, but this was for the elementary school). so after discussing a schedule that would allow me to work both jobs, I was hired as an English teacher for sacred hearts. Now with a full schedule of about 30 classes a week, I’m pickin up the teaching thing kinda quickly.
The students I teach are hilarious. I teach all ages, from 5 to 15. each class has a few characters. I get the most interaction with the kids at Sacred Heart, both in and out of the classroom. Walking through the grounds of sacred heart (which falls just short of a college campus only be cause the urinals are knee high) I get shout outs from kids in every direction. Whether it’s the 1st graders calling me “baby” (this started on my first day when they noticed my hair is short, like a baby) or the 2nd grader that loves to run up to me and say “yo yo check it out”(he runs away in hysterics when I say it back to him). Inside the class room it gets even better. When the bell rings signaling the beginning of our 40 minute block together, the fun really begins. One 4th grader spent ¼ of that time one day telling me that he thought steven segal was the best kung fu fighter hes ever seen. Another 4th grader, named lewis, is actually Canadian and speaks English as his native language. Why hes in English as a 2nd language and not Chinese is far beyond me, but hes sure to get an A so I guess hes cool with it. I have a few other students who speak English really well, either because they’ve been to the mighty U.S. of A, or theyre just really smart. Either way they are fun to talk to. The kids at kojen are fun too. I hang out with these guys more because each class with them is like 2 hours long. That’s where I teach the older kids (and younger ones too). The older kids are fun to talk to because they can understand more of what I say, and I don’t have to pronounce every letter and syllable in my words like I do with the younger ones (I often catch myself talking like this to people outside of school out of habbit. Erin says I sound like an idiot). One kid named Smoothie, like the drink, loves to talk to me about the military, and wars and whatnot. Hes a really nice kid, but im almost positive hes going to kill a couple people at some point in his life. Some classes like to talk so that’s what I let’em do. Talk to them about whatever, as long as its English, they’ll ask questions or something will just come up that I can teach them. One of the girls asked me what it was when you get holes in your lip, and I could only think of one thing so I told her. “herpes?” I said. And she said “…its like aids…” after laughing I continued, saying “yeah you mean herpes.” At that point she turned to a kid who had been bugging her during class and told him in broken English “you…have…h h herpeez.” After a few minutes I stopped laughing and told her it was mean and she shouldn’t say that. It was pretty funny.
I’m starting to really like this job. The pay is awesome and its fun to just hang out and play games with these kids all day. Ill have more stories in the future im sure. Between the Canadian kid who goes to school in taiwan, Chinese kids who frequent the U.S., and teenage curiosity, im sure the comedy will remain consistent.